


Forlorn

by cyianodiy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Car Accidents, Gen, I would assume that's the best way to tag this, References to Depression, dejected bokuto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 07:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13542894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyianodiy/pseuds/cyianodiy
Summary: The bell rang signaling the end of their break. Akaashi smiled and bowed, "Just try and come to practice, you won't have to play." But he doesn't get it. Bokuto can tell he doesn't. He sees it in the way Akaashi continues to mouth the vast sea of weaknesses to pinpoint the root of the problem. There isn't a problem though.





	Forlorn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scriptedsparrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scriptedsparrow/gifts).



“Bokuto-san come to a practice," Akaashi said as he talked with the boy in between their breaks in class. The owl remained silent his eyes still on his hands as he fiddled his fingers together. He didn't know how to get it to his friend that he wasn't okay. He didn't know how to tell him that the appeal in volleyball and other hobbies had faded away leaving him an empty shell of hurt and guilt. He wanted to play, he wanted to spike the ball and continue to score for his team. But that wasn't going to happen not now or ever.

The bell rang signaling the end of their break. Akaashi smiled and bowed, "Just try and come to practice, you won't have to play." But he doesn't get it. Bokuto can tell he doesn't. He sees it in the way Akaashi continues to mouth the vast sea of weaknesses to pinpoint the root of the problem. There isn't a problem though. Bokuto walks back into his classroom taking his seat in the middle of the class. His room is stuck in the middle of the building and the lack of windows in the classroom leave his eyes roaming. The students have noted the dramatic change in their spiky haired classmate. The teacher sighed continuing class. The day ended soon after, lunch passing by with Bokuto staring at his desk his lunch on the table looking dejected and untouched. He stood making his way out of the classroom. Following the familiar path to the club room. He stopped though, hand mid air as he held himself back from opening the door. He couldn't go to practice, he couldn't face his teammates. Not after the weeks he had spent skipping out.

The door opened before Bokuto had managed to retreat. He stood there now eyes wide as he stared back at the boy who he had least wanted to disappoint. Akaashi opened his mouth to speak but the captain had fled before he could. It had been mistake to stop by club room. Of course there were members there, they were getting dressed for practice! Bokuto sped his way through the halls making it to his shoe locker. He slipped on the shoes making his way home. Looking around Bokuto saw how others continued about their day in envy, he looked forlorn before cutting through taking empty roads down a familiar path to his house. Opening the door Bokuto heard the silence that came with having working parents. Going through motions he found himself in his room. Alone once more with the thoughts he wanted to ignore.

He closed his eyes the silence loud, deafening almost. It couldn't help, however, with the cheers and heat he could practically hear and feel. It couldn't help hide the noise of shoes rubbing up against polished wood as he pictured the scene he had imagined thousands of times. He closed his eyes hoping to escape, but the darkness didn't last and soon he could picture it. Playing with his teammates at nationals. Enjoying the feel of the ball as he hit a cross, maybe even as he managed a line shot that could go past the block and the  libero. He wrapped himself in the light heartedness of the situation knowing soon the inevitable would happen and he would once again forget how to face the blockers on the other side of the net. He would once again quiver at the thought of his cross getting caught by the other side. Or worse, he would be forced into a corner he had no way of escaping. Forced to the back edge of the line leaving it all to his teammates as the disappointment coursed through his veins. As he once again couldn't help his friends when they most needed him. However in his mind the feeling passed and he was able to relish in the ability to hit a cross that would be the final, winning, point. 

Except that couldn't happen. Not then, not now. He couldn't stand in the small corner designated to him once he fell into a funk. He had to find a way to make it back to the field. A field where he had the abilities he needed to survive. Not one where he ended up placed on hold as he found ways to make himself feel better. Not that that makes sense. Bokuto opened his eyes looking over to the small clock he had on his desk. It showed that hours had passed since his arrival home. Except no one had come knock on his door saying dinner was ready, even if he didn't eat the food. His eyes crossed slightly and he closed them once more his stomach empty but his mouth without appetite. He was all alone, forgotten in the room that held little interest to him now. The volleyball on the ground had dust collected on top of  it. He hadn't touched it since their last practice match…

There was the sound of the bell, or buzzer, at this point Bokuto couldn't tell. He was focused on the same next point. On how he was doing good with his line shots. How they were narrow and impossible to dig. His arms felt raw from being targeted by the servers on the other side but he  enjoyed the moments of peace when his team would serve and he could run up to spike with ease. He was doing great. But he could feel himself slowly falling. There wasn't a problem, they were winning, so why. Why now of all days was he destined to fall? Why now of all days was that sinking feeling crawling into his bones; the feeling that left him stiff and cold. A toy in a kids museum left alone to collect dust. Point after point Bokuto felt himself slipping. He knew it was coming and didn't know how to stop it, so he did was he normally did. He acted out in hopes that his vice captain would notice. In hopes that this was a fleeting feeling that wouldn't stay. 

Except he knew better. He knew this feeling would soon find its permanent spot in just heart. A funk his body threw him in whenever it felt necessary. There was a knock on the door and Bokuto looked at the clock, it was time for dinner. He felt his stomach growl, a response he knew that came with having eaten little the past couple of day. His mom called and said dinner was ready and Bokuto stood up. He made his way downstairs in socks and gave thanks for the meal before picking at it. Few bits of food went into his mouth and his parents did the little they could to elicit responses from their son. They wanted to know what was wrong but no response came. 

With dinner over Bokuto made his way back to his room and laid back down onto the bed. He fell asleep over the covers and in his school uniform. That's when the dreams hit him, the same insufferable dreams. He ran against block after block. Racking up points for the other team as his own was unable to dig for a counter. It was horrible, unwanted, and jarring. Bokuto woke to look at the time, morning was hours away. There would be no peaceful sleep tonight. He rolled in his bed once more wanting the time to pass and sleep to come. 

It didn't hit him for another hour and the dreams returned. This time in the locker room the players glaring at him as they made their way back from another lost game. Comments like “how is he a nationally ranked ace” and “he should just be benched at this point” hit him from players that weren’t even on the lineup sheet. Players that ride on the coattails of the school are worse than those that those that cannot play well. Players that hurt others don’t make for great team building. Players like himself, selfish. Paltry. Detestable. Rowdy. Self-deprecating.  The list could go on but it all meant the same, he wasn’t good enough to play. Good enough to go on. Good enough to stand next to the other members on the court, to take the team to nationals, to live. 

Time passed slowly but the alarms went off signaling the start of a new day. The start of another uneventful day where he would go and tune out the teachers that didn’t teach, the students that didn’t learn, and the athletes that didn’t play. He made his way downstairs and ignored his mother’s call for breakfast, choosing to slip on his shoes and make the slow walk to school. It was a silent walk, looking at sidewalk and listening to the chatter of people walking by and the squeals of a tire as a driver hit the breaks.

There seemed to be yelling, he was on the ground. Eyes closed he waited for pain. It took a moment and within the noise he heard the familiar call of an old friend. “Bokuto-san!” It was Akashi calling, running down the street hoping nothing serious had happened. There wasn’t much he could see, a crowd already gathering and the sounds of sirens off to a distance. 

He could only hope for the worst when he opened his eyes. However all he could see was a set of dark hair and the color of a blue sky. He hadn’t noticed the color of the sky in days. Lifting his head he saw the crowd of people and heard the noise of sirens, what had happened was unknown but he knew whatever it was had helped. His armed moved, elbows pressing against concrete when the familiar flare of pain stopped him. 

“What’s going on?” Bokuto asked, the dark hair whipped back to reveal the familiar face. 

“You’re okay!” Akashi smiled and pulled Bokuto up and into a hug. There was muttering and the paramedics parted the way, helping Bokuto to his feet and into the ambulance. He sat in the back answering questions and following tasks. His shirt was removed to find a growing bruise on his chest and several scrapes on his back. 

There was the chatter of people as they all made their way through to try and get facts and everything situated. A group of students and crowded around taking pictures before being shooed away. Bokuto stared at everyone and laid back, it wasn’t his prerogative to deal with them and he didn’t have the energy. It felt like he’d just been jumped and he could practically see the ringing he heard in his ears. He was whisked away and told something about a concussion but that everything else was fine and he wouldn’t suffer any lasting effects.

“Bokuto-san is to stay off the court for three weeks until everything heals, no practice of any kind,” Akashi had told the coach, having left in the ambulance with the boy and gotten word on what to relay back to the coach. He had informed everyone of what had happened, a drunk driver had swerved onto the sidewalk. Bokuto was lucky to have suffered minor injuries as a cyclist had helped pull him away from the impact. The only thing was the bruise on his stomach where a heavy bag of cement had fallen off the bikes basket. 

Bokuto was still under supervision at the hospital since a series of blood tests had shown he was dehydrated and was malnourished. After attaching an IV drip they called Bokuto’s parents to help answer questions as to why he wasn't receiving enough meals at home. Soon finding out that there was more to the problem that met the eye. Bokuto needed more than medicinal help and the hospital found a therapist that could come in and speak with him while he stayed for treatment. Slowly it seemed that he had come out of the shell that he had closed himself off in and awoken back to his naturally loud and personable attitude. He went back to class after a couple days in the hospital a small dose of medicine to take to help him with his depression and vitamins to make sure the past couple of months wouldn’t affect him or his growth. ~~~ 

“Akaashi,” Bokuto whined walking down to the clubroom to complain. A couple more days had passed but Bokuto was still a benchwarmer, his concussion deterring him from playing on the court. He changed into his gym clothes anyway, speaking once more, “How much longer until I get to play?” He sad on the bench in the locker room and leaned down to tie his shoes. 

“Bokuto-san the doctors said you’re to remain off the court for three weeks and it’s only been three days.” Akashi informed him removing his tie to dress in his own gym clothes. He changed quickly and turned to look at the captain, “I doubt you can even stand without swaying, what with the concussion being so bad.” He slipped on this shoes and walked towards the exit, waiting for Bokuto to stand and follow suit.

“That’s not true I can stand perfectly fine,” Bokuto countered following Akashi to the gym. They made their way to the gym nodding hellos to the people the saw. Once inside they began their stretches, arms bending across bodys as they got ready to practice. 

“If you want to play you’ll have to be able to stand perfectly still with your eyes closed,” Akashi knew this was a primitive test to check the equilibrium of the body, but it also helped determine whether the player was doing better after injury. Akashi waited as Bokuto followed suit with the directions, grumbling as he had to stay still. 

Bokuto, eyes closed felt himself way, he felt like he was standing on a waterbed, unable to remain upright and still. He pushed on the balls of his toes and tried his best to remain upright but a slight push from a teammate and he tripped forward catching himself barely on Akashi who stood in front of him. “Hey! That’s cheating I was doing great!” He whined turning around to yell at Sarukui. 

“Saru you betrayed me!” Bokuto pressed his hand to his heart as dramatically as he could, crouching forward to pretend he was crying. He stifled a laugh and stood straight up when he saw the monkey grin on Sarukui’s face. “Oh crap,” Bokuto spoke, breathless as he felt himself get dizzy, he reached forward for balance and sighed, “Guess you’re right, I’ll sit this one out, for now.”

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this like 2 years ago and I kind of dropped it after not really knowing how I would finish the fic, but I'm really glad with how it turned out and I hope you enjoyed this!


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